Lesbian Relationships Between Teenagers: Should Parents Worry?
My friend Carol came over for tea today. She has some interesting things to tell me about her sixteen-year-old daughter Brandy. I haven’t seen Carol in ages so it was a great opportunity to catch up and to mingle. She brought over some scones and pastries, and ready for our high tea conversation. She was eager to spill out the secrets that she has discovered about her daughter. She puffs out a big sigh, and said: “my daughter is a Lesbian.”
I was confused about what she was talking about. Perfect little Brandy, 4.0 GPA, captain of the cheer leading squad, chess club genius, and everything else that screams perfection is a lesbian. That was like the aftershock of an earthquake. Even after much contemplation, I was still not convinced that this all-American girl can be a lesbian. I thought maybe there were some assumption and misunderstanding, after all Brandy was gorgeous and often caught the eyes of many potential suitors near her vicinity. It was hard for Carol to accept this idea and difficult for me to fully grasp it, but after hours of conversing the matter, we came to the conclusion that it wasn’t so bad after all.
Normally, a sixteen-year-old girl spends a majority of the time thinking about boys, but Brandy does not acknowledge them at all. She barely speaks or hangs out with any guys. Her focus was on her school and on Erica. Erica was Brandy’s best friend and they are constantly stuck together like siamese twins. Carol loves Erica and lets her come over practically every day to hang out with Brandy. Then one day, she caught the two girls making out in the room. Carol was horrified and confused at the same time. Everything she thought about Brandy was thrown out the window. She started doing research about teenage lesbian dating, but still end up more confused than ever.
Fortunately, with my expertise and liberal lifestyle, I was able to open the doors to answering all of Carol’s questions. First and foremost, she was frightened about how others would view Brandy’s lesbian relationship with Erica. In my experience, lesbian couples are the same as every other heterosexual couple. We live in the era of “open-mindedness,” where nothing freaks anyone out anymore. This would be why Brandy was very open about her relationship. She even told Carol that she was proud to be a lesbian despite its deviation from the social norms. Carol couldn’t comprehend the situation and had to storm out of the house. During high tea, she thought carefully and realized that it was her cultural generation that made her view this as a taboo. While in fact the whole teenage lesbian relationship was a choice and preference. Her daughter prefers women over men, or maybe that she has a strong connection with Erica. Whatever the reason could be, Brandy is still growing and learning about herself. Her lesbian preference should not be looked at as something different or disturbing but should be nevertheless embraced and welcomed.
Since Brandy is still learning about herself, she may prefer to be a lesbian in this stage of her life but who knows what could happen. Maybe in college, she will meet the man of her dreams, and gravitate towards a heterosexual relationship. At this point, I advise Carol to learn more about her daughter’s point of view pertaining to lesbian dating. Every lesbian has different perspectives about it. Some see lesbian dating as a label, network, a group, whereas others don’t see a label at all. Some people just view it as love and connection towards another individual regardless of lesbian or not. At this point, it’s important to learn from the lesbian about what a lesbian is rather than changing her.
Teenagers are very impressionable. They are at the stage of wondering what they want or don’t want in their lives. The confidence level of a teenager is constantly fluctuating because of the lack of experience in life. Anything or anyone can have an easy influence on them. For example, if a teenager meets and gets along with a group of lesbians, they may try to fit in by becoming a lesbian. This is called group conformity and can be very detrimental to a teenager’s development. This is why I encourage Carol to check if Brandy is truly in love with Erica or is this a phase to conform to a group of friends. If this is a mature decision on Brandy’s part without any group influences, then the next step is to check if she is near any lesbian clubs or network. This is to ensure that the parent is involved in this process and is aware what type of social group the teen is involved in. After all, lesbians are most likely to be involved in groups with other lesbians that understand them.
Teenage Lesbian dating can be very complicated. If the parents refuse to accept their lesbian daughter for being herself, it can actually drive a wedge between their relationships. It’s best to lend a listening ear and to learn about the process from the teen. Teenage lesbian relationships or dating are usually a phase where the teen is trying to define herself. This is why it’s important for the parent to be supportive and to let the teen find herself. College can be a different experience and can further help teens transition towards growth and development. There could be a huge chance that the teen will realize that they are not into the same gender and might prefer the opposite gender. Then again there could also be a case that the teen realizes that they are truly a lesbian and prefer the same gender. Either way, teenage lesbian dating, and relationships are unique experiences that can help them define their sexualities. This process should, therefore, be cherished and not shunned. Parents should not worry about teenage lesbian dating, in fact they should embrace it.